My good friend Amanda sent me a letter shortly after my father passed away, she had experienced the same a few years ago. Her father had cancer, I am not sure which is easier to handle, knowing it's coming or being blindsided. I do think you start the grieving process before your loved one passes away when you expect it but I doubt it makes the process easier. Anyway, Amanda said she still has sad days and calls them "Dad days", I didn't think much about it at the time but now I know EXACTLY what she was talking about. There are days I am just sad, no explanation, but I wake up sad and stay that way all day long. I had one of these days last week, I cried off an on all day, not uncontrollably but soft tears. In discussing with another friend a few days later, she suggested I google the grief process to find out where I am in it. I have not, missing the courage to be informed, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I do like to be well informed so I will do this eventually so I know what to expect. Grief can not be rushed, it happens in it's own time. I think I have been following the 'fake it to I make it' philosophy and it is starting to catch up with me. Maybe that's why I was so sick much of 2008?
I am determined to have a better 2009.
We are taking the kids to Disney World in 9 weeks and I can't wait to see their faces light up. We have not told them and are not going to tell them until we are in Florida. They know we are going to Mimi's for Spring Break but NOT that we will be burying Poppy's ashes then or going to the Mouse house.
