Brrrr .... Grant gave me the cold shoulder (at 3)

Last week my Mother had surgery in Florida.  Being the good Southern daughter I am, I hopped on a plane headed further South to help.  Just so you know, here's how the week played out:

Monday - work
Tuesday - work and class (4 hours after work, thankyouverymuch)
Wednesday - work and fly to Mom's (arrival 10:14 pm - her house is one hour south)
Thursday-Sunday - hang out with my mom while she recoops

My plane was supposed to arrive in Memphis at 1:35 pm on Sunday so I had the rest of the day with my family.  On the way to the airport, the airline called to say my flight was CANCELLED!  They put me on a connecting flight through Atlanta -- queue the flashbacks of nightmare @ Hartsfield.  I had 45 minutes to change concourses and my 2nd flight was stand-by.   I booked it through ATL like a mad woman and cleared the waiting list.  Whew! 

When I finally landed in Memphis, it was 6:15 pm.  My sweet family was waiting for me at the edge of security clearance.  Parker spotted me, she was smiling and waving.   Grant was looking stoically forward, nothing!  Well, there were a lot of people walking towards him so I thought nothing of it.  When I got to them, Parker hugged and kissed me.  I asked Grant for a hug and a kiss, both requests were "NO!".   I picked him up, he wanted down, he clung to Brandon's leg as though I was a stranger.  As we walked out to the car, Parker held my hand .. he would not, held his Daddy's.  We drove to a restaurant and he wouldn't speak to me at all. 

Me:  Whose boy are you? Are you Mommy's boy?
G: NO!  I not ewe boy!
Me:  Are you Daddy's boy?
G:  NO! I Par-ter's boy
Me:  You are?
G: No, I Daddy's boy!

About an hour after I arrived, he finally warmed up to me!  How about that?  My own flesh and blood gave me the cold shoulder.  This morning he did tell me "I ewe boy Mommy!"  ... and he melted my heard all.over.again.

A mother's guilt

A few months ago at Grant's school (read: daycare), a prominent school for deaf children in our area offered speech screenings for $20.  It seemed like a good idea, better to know now than not, right?  We never in a million years thought there was an issue.  A week later we received the results -- DID NOT PASS.  What? He didn't pass so I called the pathologist who did the screening for further informaiton, he has major articulation issues and needs the full evaluation, that will be $150 please, self-pay, and thank you.  

We thought "Grant-ese" was cute, not a problem! 

Appearantly there are certain sounds he should have mastered by now.  Brandon and I discussed it and decided we would discuss further with our peditrician at his 3 year old well child in 6 weeks or so.  In the meantime, we figured out it was more when he was trying to put full sentences together, the one-two word combos were easy to translate.  The peditrician agreed he has articulation issues but clearly has a large vocabulary, Grant happened to be extra chatty the day we were there.  I booked the full evaluation the next week.

What a disaster!

The test was a cognitive test calibrated for 3-8 years old.  Hello?  He turned 3 a mere two weeks before.  Some of the questions we are not sure Parker (at 6) could have answered.   We totally expected say eeee,  ahhhh, oooo,   ewwww, etc.   We got show me the small cat.   What is this a picture of?  Which boy is dry?  and my absolute favorite to our 3 year old ... she read him a story and asked him to remember certain things .. Like what did Mom (from the story, not me) say?  Reading comprehension for a 3 year old!  Seriously.  If he could pass this test, we would have been calling Mensa, not the school for the deaf.   Again .. serioulsy.

Let's not forgot they expected our 3 year old to wear headphones and raise his hand when he heard a tone.  Ummm, hello, he's 3!  And when he wouldn't cooperate, she asked us if we thought he could hear.  Sure, he responds to us and noises so yeah, he can hear.*

Brandon and I left the evaluation feeling completely defeated and wondering what they expected from him.  After stewing and stewing about it, I asked Brandon what he thought about getting an ENT evaluation too?  Parker already has an ENT that I see sometimes too as he was my ENT when I was a kid so I called my favorite nurse there and left a voice mail about the above experience.  She called me back and agreed it seemed rediculous, she got us in that afternoon with their best audiologist and the ENT even though Grant was a new patient, Parker and I are not. 

ENT 101
Let's see if he has fluid .. yep!
Is there an obstruction .. yep!
So I held my baby boy down while the ENT tortured removed the obstruction.  I'll spare you the gross details.  The ENT talked to me afterwards and said there is NO WAY he can hear properly with the amount of fluid in his ears, he has so much fluid they could not get accurate hearing test results.  He said tubes and 3 months would make Grant a new child!  While he might still need some speech therapy, most of his issues would be cleared up when he can hear us.

*We are parents, not professionials

Of course, we feel like horrible parents for NOT knowing there was an issue.  Grant has had 4 ear infections in his life!  The school for the deaf was all set to sign him up for speech therapy, twice a week, self-pay.  I have always held this school in the highest regard, they do amazing things with deaf children teaching them how to talk so how could they be 'the man'?  

On the bright side, we now know what the issue is and it's so fixable!  Parker is on her 2nd set of tubes plus 2 cleft lip surgeries, Grant had a minor surgery at 12 weeks to remove a skin tag he was born with.  We couldn't be more at ease with surgery for tubes.  Surgery is 12/3 so by March, we expect to see big changes in his articulation. 

Happy Birthday Grant

 At exactly 10:04 am 3 years ago today, I met my baby boy very briefly after he was born via c-section.  I only got to see him for a few seconds, so I had to rely on Brandon to tell me about him.  I asked him who he looked like, he said Parker (which was code for himself since Parker was his spitting image as a baby, now she looks more like me).   I noticed people kept coming in and out of the room, I was not sure what was happening because Parker was born in the middle of the night and there were NO other babies being born so we had every tech and nurse in the place witnessing her birth.  Grant was scheduled and we were in an OR.  After Dr B finished closing me up, we were ready to move to recovery my room.  Finally, I get to hold my baby!  The nurse placed him on my chest and they wheeled me down the hall, where the nurse grabbed Grant and said "I know that grunting sound seems cute but it's not".  We got upstairs, they wheeled me to a room and took Grant to the nursery to be evaluated by the NICU team AGAIN!  They had already evaluated him after he was born, the people coming in/out of the OR was the NICU team.  We wait and wait .. fortunately my OR nurse kept us updated, she said he was having difficulty breathing.   Around 1 pm, yes, 3 hours after he was born ... they brought him to our room where I was able to nurse him and he turned BLUE!  The nurse was still with us and helped me learn how to nurse him so he could still breath properly.  He was using his abdomen to inflate his lungs.  We were advised it would be best for him to stay in the well baby nursery anytime I was sleeping so they could watch him.   The pediatrician came to talk to us and told us, he had Trasnsient Tachypnea of the Newborn (TTN) but not to worry because it would resolve on it's own in a few days.   He was born on a cold Monday morning and discharged on Thursday afternoon as a healthy baby boy.  Other than having RSV as an infant and a few other chest colds, he's always been a healthy happy little boy.

A little boy who doesn't believe TODAY is his birthday or that he is now 3 years old.   Here's our conversation this morning regarding his birthday ..

Me:  Happy Birthday Grant!
Grant: my birtday is ober
Me: No buddy, it's today!
Grant: ewe come to my party?
Me: Yes, how old are you?
Grant: I two year old
Me:  You are three
Grant:  No, I two!

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby boy!  Mommy, Daddy and Parker love you very much.

Lessons learned

Even though my Dad is no longer reachable by phone,  I choose to remember everything about him .. the good, the bad and the ugly.   You know how sometimes when people pass away, their loved ones automatically elevate them to saint hood?  Well, not me. 

For most of my life, he was largely absent.  I recently found a pile of cards from him, even a First Communion card from way back in 1978.  Just a few nights ago, I found a card from a flower arrangement and it said "Merry Christmas from your absentee father".   You see, he knew he was not perfect and so did we but that did not stop us from loving him.   I should mention he spent 20 years in the Navy and was stationed very far away from us much of the time.  

When he unexpectedly passed away last summer, I was rocked to the core.   I am was mad at him for dying, for smoking, for not always being there and anything else I could think of.   Smoking killed him, not because he had lung cancer because he dropped a damn zippo lighter and caught his house on fire.  I have learned the stuffing in your couch is a better accelerant than gasoline, I have learned it only takes one breath, ONE, to breath toxic fumes and render you unconscious, I have learned you only have 30 seconds to get out of your house to have any chance of survival.   My Dad was a large man, 6'6" tall and he had Parkinson's disease, there is no way he could have moved that fast but somehow he made it to the back door.  I've learned the kindness of strangers, my Dad's neighbors, people I have never met called 9-1-1 after the kids playing in the cove smelled smoke.  The kids who tried to kick in his front door. 

I have learned my life must continue even though his on earth has stopped.  Fortunately for me, I had many conversations with him about his last wishes.  I knew he wanted to be cremated (ironic, no?) and be burried in a National Cementary.  When he passed away, there was a National Cementary in Jacksonville under construction.   We choose to hold his ashes until it opened in January.   For Spring Break, Brandon and I loaded up the kids and headed out on a 12 hour, 17 LONG HOURS DRIVE to my Mother's in St. Augustine, FL.  On Monday, March 9, 2009, David R. Krout was laid to rest in Jacksonville National Cementary with full Military Honors for 20 years of service.  

Welcome back!

So it's been six months or so since I've posted to my OWN blog. How sad is that? I've spent the morning reading some of my old posts and fell in love with the idea of a blog all over again. As I've mentioned before, I left blogger for facebook.


Let's see what have we been up the last half year? I know you are dying to know. In no paticular order ..


Parker - started 1st grade this year, loves it! Her teacher is old school, all communication is signed Mrs. P, not sure she has a first name. LOL It's been great for Parker, she needs to be challenged and 1st grade is keeping her too busy to get in trouble (most days).

Grant - has moved into the PreSchool2 room at daycare, they use a 3K program which is really exciting. He is on the waiting list at Parker's school for 3k next year, let's hope he clears the list. It will be so nice to have them in the same place, not to mention the tuition is about half of daycare. Scary, isn't it? Private school tuition is less than daycare!

Me - I changed jobs in July, same company, different department. It's been more of an adjustment than I anticipated. I was the resident expert accross the hall and most days, I feel like the resident idiot in my new role. It's hard going from expert to rooky but I am doing my best to make the most out of the opportunity. It's a good career move. Also, I am going back to school, I am going to finish my MBA. It's a 2 year program at a local Catholic University, classes are one night a week, 4 hours a night. This program works for my life right now and in 2 years I will have something no one can take away.

I will do some more catch up posts in the next few days. Here are some things that come to mind to write about ...

• burying my Dad's ashes
• DISNEY trip!
• Summer fun
• Parker's birthday